News
Be Kind Month: Courageous conversations
- Written By: British Dressage | Riders Minds
- Published: Sun, 11 May 2025 10:30
Whether we recognise we’re struggling, or recognise someone else may be struggling, having a conversation might seem daunting, in any environment. Learn more about how to have courageous conversations, with some expert advice from Riders Minds.
When it comes to riding and horse matters, riders will often talk to other riders, trainers, coaches, Chef d’Equipes, vets, owners and so on. For physical health matters, illnesses, or injuries, they’ll visit the doctor or appropriate professional. Yet, what about mental health matters? Riders might struggle with, say, competition anxiety, feeling low after unexpected poor results, performance expectations, lost confidence after a fall or in general.
Other matters, riding or equestrian related or not, such as life events, personal and/or professional matters, work, business, career, financials, loss of some kind (including that of four-legged friends), relationships, friendships, supporting someone who’s struggling with their mental health, bullying, can affect well-being and be difficult conversations to have too.
However, left unaddressed, our mental health could deteriorate.
The ripple effect could impact physical health, family, friends, horses, other riders, work, business and personal/professional reputations too. It can also affect our ability to support others, or be that “go to” person. Others may avoid, isolate or not want to ride with you, have a negative impression of you. Team selectors may overlook you. Owners may take their horses away. You might get bad press, or be trolled on social media.
Rather than struggling, suffering in silence, getting stressed or risking others misunderstanding you from, say, behavioural changes, it makes sense to have ‘that’ conversation. The same applies if you see someone else struggling too. There’s no right or wrong way to have a courageous conversation, but read on for our top tips.
If you're struggling
Being honest with ourselves when we’re not our ‘normal’ self, is a huge step forward. Things may be going on in our personal or professional lives, equestrian or not.
Someone may have said something about us, or a comment has us thinking. Someone’s behaviour or attitude is affecting us. We may feel bullied, discriminated or compromised. We may have ‘difficult’ clients. We may be struggling with supporting someone else who is struggling.
Regardless of cause, our riding, success, enjoyment and pleasure can be affected, let alone our businesses.
We’re all being encouraged to talk about mental health matters. Yet, our well-being, physical or mental health, is still a private matter for many. We may self-help, or seek help, support and manage the recovery, or ongoing condition, with help from medical professional(s).
Sharing with others often means better understanding, support, lessens rumours, gossip, bad feelings etc, so in many circumstances it’s appropriate, even necessary. For example, professional riders having conversations with other riders, employers, trainers, owners, sponsors, backers, and grooms. Amateur and pleasure riders may need to speak to their employer.
Balancing sharing with privacy can be a dilemma. A helpful reminder is that this is about talking with someone, not talking with everyone about everything, and how much you share and who to, is also a matter of choice.
What can we do?
- Have a courageous conversation with yourself. What’s going on? What/how do I feel? What do I need? What do I want or would like to have happen? What are my choices and actions? Who could I talk to? Would self-help, or life-style changes work?
- Accept/admit help and/or support is needed. As you would for a physical health matter.
- Remember privacy choices regarding how much or how little you share.
- Take action, for example:
-
Explore Riders Minds.
-
Become better informed.
-
Be courageous.
-
Do something different. If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got!
-
Try out some self-help tools; make life-style changes.
-
If you work, check for organisational support, its accessibility and availability, EAP (employee assisted programmes), workplace adjustments etc.
-
If a professional rider, check insurance. Do you have income protection? Is medical treatment, more specifically mental ill health, or long-term sick covered?
-
Speak to someone. Have a conversation. Informal or formal depending on who with, situation and environment.
-
Make appointments if appropriate.
-
Be mindful of what might happen if we do nothing.
If you see someone struggling
You may notice, sense or are concerned about someone. Perhaps a fellow rider, groom, an owner, or someone dear. You’ve ‘spotted’ they are, perhaps, behaving differently and not themselves. You want to do the right thing, but don’t know what to say, how to say it, do, or how to help. You may worry you’ll make things worse by raising it or saying the wrong thing. All too often nothing is said.
A recent campaign, encourages people to ‘Ask Twice’ if they suspect someone might be struggling with their mental health.The simple act of asking again, with interest, can help someone to open up for the first time.
Research shows:
- Many with mental health issues want to keep in touch with family, friends and colleagues.
- Whilst many may find talking about poor mental health challenging, avoiding the subject is not helpful.
- Whilst many want to talk, they don’t for many reasons. By making the first move and asking how they are, an ‘it’s OK to talk’ environment is created and conversations are more likely.
- Raising the subject of someone’s changed behaviour, performance, attitude or their well-being can be uncomfortable and awkward. However, understanding the ripple effect of poor or deteriorating mental health, conversations are place to start.
Riders Minds
Riders Minds provides support for all equestrians as online bespoke resource dedicated to supporting the mental health and well-being of all. They are open to everyone, of all ages, levels and experience, and offer a wealth of practical information and a 24/7 helpline.
Free Call: 0800 088 2073
Or if you prefer to message then text:
Text: 07480 488 103
