Be Kind Month: Overcoming setbacks

Losing a horse, having to take a step back from competing, accepting that your mount won't make the grade can all take its toll on a rider. In this feature, Andrea Oakes considers how to recover.

Setbacks are inevitable over a long career with horses. Whether at grass roots or grand prix, many riders are all too familiar with disappointment or devastating loss. “No-one is immune, sadly,” says equestrian performance coach Sandie Robertson (www.sandierobertson.com), who points out that the unpredictability of the equine element makes our sport diff erent from any other. “,reams, hopes and careers can disappear in a second with a blow such as long-term lameness or withdrawal of sponsorship.” Finding motivation again is not easy, but how we react determines whether we can move on again to reach our goals. Sandie suggests how to cope with misfortune and rebuild the future…

Recognising the loss

“Losing something you love, be it a horse or a dream, can trigger grief,” says Sandie. “A horse may be a best friend, a soulmate and confi dante, as well as an athletic partner, so it can hit hard if he’s moved on by an owner, retired with health issues or must be put to sleep. While this is a constant, exhausting cycle for many professional riders, they fi nd ways to overcome the setback and build a level of resilience, otherwise they would not survive in the sport they love. When your success is credited to one horse, he’s your partner and has helped you through hard times, there’s an emotional element that can leave a huge void. It’s only natural to grieve. “Grief can also result from losing your direction or career and ultimately your identity. Maybe you’re no longer an aspiring Olympic rider, a squad member or a rising dressage star. Years of training are invested in one horse, or towards one goal, yet owners, sponsors and top horses are sometimes lost in a tough financial climate.

Process the news

“Take time to recognise what you're feeling. Process the bad news and let yourself grieve in your own way. Not everyone has the luxury of taking a break from the situation, but this can help."

“It’s not uncommon to fi nd humour in bleak moments, so don’t be surprised if you fi nd yourself laughing as well as crying. This is not only cathartic, but being able to see and enjoy the funny times can remind ou that it hasn't all been about the final sad chapter.

"We forget that horses are an addiction; being with them can release feel-good chemicals called endorphins. When an addiction is wrenched away, we can suffer the physical effects of withdrawal. Be kind to yourself through this phase, which should pass."

Revisit the situation

“Identify the good things, remembering all that a certain horse taught you or the highlights of a professional relationship. Building a timeline, with pictures, can help put bad luck into perspective against a long list of good memories.

"Then take an honest look at the sitation. Would you do things differently if you could wind the clock back? If you made the most of it and delivered what you promised to an owner or sponsor, you can sleep easy. While it's not pleasant to admit making mistakes, acknowledging errors can help you move forwards. Take the learning, even if you didn't like the lesson."

Take a balanced view

"If horses are your living, you can become more robust and strategic by distancing yourself from other people’s actions. In business it’s rarely personal. If someone wants to stable their horses elsewhere, or withdraws backing, they’re doing what’s best for themselves and their business."

Be brave

“A cycle of worry can result in a selffulfilling prophecy. Wrapping a horse in cotton wool won’t always keep him safe and may be counterproductive, so be brave and put his welfare first by letting him live like a horse. He’ll only be more explosive if you deny him turnout and contact with his friends, making accidents and injuries more likely. “Your selfconfidence may also be lacking after a setback. You may question whether you can go through with something again or keep asking yourself 'Am I good enough?’. By putting yourself back out there, you’ll remember why you love the sport."

Build a better blueprint

"As sad as losing a horse or a dream may be, this can create a window to pause and think about what you want to do next. Perhaps you were looking at a situation through rose-tinted glasses when in reality it wasn't great. Can you build a better blueprint?"

"While many plans revolve around finances, there are ways and means. Re-write your strategy and seek out coaches and mentors who can help you reach your goals. It's all about leaving baggage behind and taking command after an unexpected loss of control.

"None of your experience is lost, remember, it's just your heart or your ego that's hurting. If you've dome it before, you can do it again - but this time better and quicker."

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