Your stories: Amy’s story of finding stability and confidence through horses

Kindness and mental health are priorities, not just on Mental Health Awareness Week, but every day, every week and month. BD member Amy Clarke shares her experience with bipolar disorder and how horses have been key to managing her health. 

For Amy Clarke, managing her mental health has been about finding what works. Her life is full of structure, movement, community and above all, horses.  

After being diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago, Amy has since learned how to manage the highs and lows it brings. However, the road to that point wasn’t a straightforward journey. Initially diagnosed with depression in her twenties, it wasn’t until much later that she was correctly diagnosed with bipolar II. “It took years,” she recalled, “I was in and out of doctors and it took the right GP to really listen to me.” 

The clarity of the diagnosis, combined with the right support, helped her better understand herself and develop strategies to navigate the emotional swings. “I struggled with a lot of ups and downs,” she recalled. “As I have bipolar II, it’s mainly the depressive phases that are my worst, but when I’m hypomanic, I don’t realise I’m in it until I’ve come out of it really.” 

Now, Amy recognises the early signs of a depressive episode and gives herself permission to rest, whilst sticking to a routine, and that’s where the horses really help her. “They need me and that gives me a reason to get up each day,” she explained, before describing how powerful the calming presence of horses can be, “if I’m really struggling or feeling angry, which I sometimes can, I don’t ride - I’ll just spend time with them. Even ten minutes of giving them a groom, hugging them, or sitting in the stable makes me feel more tranquil, happy and able.”  

Her two horses have very different personalities, but they both seem to know when she needs them most. “Jester is incredibly affectionate and he’s always there waiting for a hug,” Amy explained, “but Dude’s more reserved. He’ll let me hug him for about five seconds, then that’s enough. However, if I’m low he knows and lets me stay with him for as long as I need. He just seems to know when I’m not okay.” 

 In those moments, the sense of being understood means everything: “He sees me, and because he’s a horse, there’s no judgment. Sometimes that’s exactly what you need.” 

Redefining success 

Having not owned a horse as a child, Amy discovered her love of dressage later in life. Starting at Intro level, she gradually progressed to Novice, embracing the learning process even if confidence didn’t come easily. “I used to worry so much about what the judge or other people thought,” she admitted.  

With time and experience, her outlook gradually changed. “Now I think, this is my horse, this is our journey. It doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks – except maybe my instructor,” she laughed. 

Amy has developed simple techniques to help her stay focused and present in the arena. “I talk to myself quietly, I count my canter strides, and I learn tests as pictures in my head. I can’t have a reader as I get confused,” she explained, adding how a crucial turning point was learning to let go of perfection: “There might be 18 movements in a test. If one goes wrong, I’ve got 17 more to make up for it. That mindset shift changed everything.” 

As her outlook shifted, success became about much more than just rosettes. When her Quest team won their semi-final last year and qualified for the LeMieux Quest Championships at Arena UK, Amy recalled how the result was just one part of a much richer experience: “We didn’t place, but we had the best time. We all cried happy tears for different reasons, but we were all so proud. It was the friendships, the support, the fun of doing it together that meant more than anything.” 

She’s also just as mindful of the smaller everyday wins: “Just this week, we managed five-metre counter loops with Jester or I’ll look back at old test sheets and see we’ve gone from sixes to seven-and-a-halves. Even just riding in the sunshine after work or turning up to two faces looking out the stable window at me - I look for positives and small wins in everything, because life’s short and you’ve got to enjoy the bits you can.”  

Balancing life, work and horses 

Alongside riding, Amy works full-time in procurement for Northumbrian Water, where she feels supported and encouraged to be open about mental health. “My new workplace is very open about mental health. We’ve got something called Mind Mates, where you can talk to someone trained in mental health support. I haven’t needed it yet, but it’s reassuring to know it’s there.” 

She also plays netball twice a week - another source of structure and a healthy outlet for energy and emotion. “I like having things to do. My idea of hell is sitting around all day doing nothing. I like to be outside and keep busy.” 

Though she thrives on a full schedule, managing her energy and time has been a learning journey. Amy has had to figure out where to accept help so she can preserve time and headspace for the things that really matter. It was this that led her to move to part livery a few years ago, after Jester sustained a suspensory injury and needed box rest. “I was going down four times a day. We loved each other, but by the end of it, I was just done. I’d fallen out of love with it a bit,” she admitted. Moving to part livery helped turn things around. “It gave me the time to enjoy them again and not be constantly tired. The yard owner is amazing - she notices when something’s different and she loves every horse like they’re her own. That kind of support, you can’t pay for.” 

“I think part livery is fantastic. It gives me peace of mind. If I’m ill or something comes up, I know they’re looked after.” 

Keeping the conversation open 

When asked about the importance of encouraging conversations around mental health in the equestrian community, Amy emphasised the value of honesty, “I think people can be quick to judge, but if we can be open about how we feel, most people will understand. It’s important to know you’re not alone.” 

She compared it to physical health, explaining, “If someone has diabetes, they take insulin. If I stop taking my medication, I’d probably relapse. My brain is just as important as my body. Mental health is just as valid.” 

Amy expressed that she hopes that sharing her experience will encourage others to speak up and seek support: “If someone reads this and recognises themselves in it, I hope it helps them feel less alone. I just hope people know that things aren’t always as black as they might seem. There’s a way through.” 

Finding what really works for her has taken time. Amy described her twenties as a time of struggle, her thirties as a time of learning, and now in her forties she’s found what works and feels like she’s reached a place of stability. That doesn’t mean every day is easy, but she knows she’s not facing things alone: “My horses have helped me tremendously. They help me stay grounded and happy, and I’d love that for everyone.” 

Photo © ATG Photography